So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
