from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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