Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
