wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
