so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
