It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
foreskin is a definite game changer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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