Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
