his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
