At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
