Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
