Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
