Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
