called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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