I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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