I'd wear matching sweaters with you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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