True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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