i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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