On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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