He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
