You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
