dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
