where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
