Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
