did you get engaged???
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
