After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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