and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
