You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
