The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
