"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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