Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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