I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
