It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
