My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
