I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this boner is exhausting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I want is dick and wine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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