alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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