I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
