i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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