I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
