Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
