so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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