I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
