Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
