i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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