she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
