Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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