im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
