I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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