so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
