My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
