if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
