don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
