hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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