Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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