No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
