Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
