You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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