I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
